‘The dreaded “E” word’ – rethinking high expectations
I am currently part-way through listening to Ben Crowe’s (2022) book, ‘Where the Light Gets In: Simple, playful and profound perspective shifts to change your life’ and am loving his insights. That said, while I am learning lots, I must say I sat quite uncomfortably when, in Crowe’s first chapter on a perspective shift from pressure to freedom, he highlighted a 'dreaded "E" word' that he proposed is the most dangerous word in the world today – expectations.
He suggested that more than the word being the problem, it is how we define it and misuse it. While not going so far as to recommend we should completely remove this word from our lexicon, he does implore us to at least use the word responsibly and with good intention. I feel like I frowned deeply for the remainder of the drive home, mulling over the implications of this for me and our team.
You may wonder why this caused such discomfort and deep reflection, and that would be fair. For those that have followed along with the journey as Dr Ray Boyd and I opened Dayton Primary School in the suburbs of Perth, Western Australia 3-and-a-half years ago, you would know that one of the most commonly used words in our conversations about our school, our culture, and our instructional learning ecosystem, is ‘expectations’. Not just expectations, but high expectations.
Before we even opened our school, we talked to prospective staff about high expectations. As we opened our gates for the first time to our students and their families in 2023, we reiterated our message about building a sense of belonging through positive relationships matched with high expectations. Each term since, we have started strong by focusing on being both warm (relational) and demanding (high expectations and clear routines and structures), and often throughout the year in our staff professional learning sessions or coaching conversations, we will turn our discussion to expectations and the high expectations we should have for ourselves, our teams, and our students.
The distinction between pressure and empowerment
While I am aware that we don’t need to take onboard every comment or suggestion we ever hear or read, and that critical reflection about what is important to apply in our context or what to disregard is important, this chapter highlighting the dangers of the ‘dreaded “E” word’ created an opportunity for me to reflect on how, as a school community, we are holding up our high expectations, and whether these are adding pressure and burden or working to give purpose and build aspiration for our team and our students.
Crowe suggests that expectations should be examined carefully as they can create conditional self-worth in terms of ‘I am okay IF I achieve this, I am valuable IF I perform, I am successful IF I meet this standard.’ He didn’t propose that we lower our standards, avoid accountability or abandon excellence, but instead shift our language from ‘I expect you to…’ to ‘My goal/ wish/ want/hope or dream for you is…’, or to talk about standards and ‘the way things are done around here.’ ‘Empower them,’ Crowe shares, ‘with anything but expectations!’
In a school context, that distinction between the pressure of others’ expectations and the empowerment of shifting our perspective to our goals, standards or norms for how things are done becomes really important.
At Dayton Primary School, like in many of your contexts I am sure, we use the phrase ‘high expectations’ with positive intent as: we believe every child can succeed; we don’t limit potential; we value effort, growth, and excellence; and we maintain strong behavioural and academic standards to ensure a safe learning environment for all. As I reflect, I hold firm on the belief that these are deeply important educational commitments and something we do not plan to shift our stance on. I think the vital thing to consider though is, how can we ensure that our high expectations don’t (or have not) become experienced as pressure, perfectionism, fear of failure, or even conditional worth?
In our fourth year at Dayton Primary School, Crowe’s message has been a timely wake-up call to consider whether our high expectations for our staff have shifted from what we originally intended: ‘We believe in your potential to be the most incredible teacher you can be and are here to support you in that journey’ to a feeling of ‘I must always perform, I can’t make mistakes and my value is tied to my performance and my students’ outcomes.’
For our students, whether the message morphed from: ‘You are capable of amazing things, if you try your best, and we believe in your ability to succeed and are here to help’ to ‘If I fail, I disappoint people, I have to get it right immediately, and success means never struggling’.
If this has happened, then our high expectations have shifted from being an invitation to a shared journey towards excellence to a transactional response to external pressure and a feeling of not being good enough.
An environment of high support and high belief
Whilst I have not surveyed our team or our students on this, and it is something I have mulled on alone, I genuinely don’t feel that at Dayton this has happened (although I will take time to reflect on this with our team in coming days). Whilst we do mention high expectations a lot, this is done in an environment of high support and high belief rather than pressure. We have unashamedly aimed for creating a ‘school of excellence’, but as Crowe shares, rather than a no holds barred focus on high expectations, our emphasis on high support, high belief, high care, high commitment, high aspirations and high standards has worked to reduce the pressure of performance-based worth.
What might such a shift in your context look like? Instead of ‘We expect every student to achieve,’ it may become ‘We believe every student can grow, improve, and succeed with support, effort, and time.’ Or for your team ‘We pursue excellence together, while recognising that growth includes challenge, vulnerability, and learning.’ In making such a shift, challenge is paired with support, mistakes are normalised as part of learning, identity is separated from performance, and people feel safe enough to be imperfect while still striving. I wholeheartedly believe that schools can absolutely maintain rigorous teaching, strong behavioural standards, and ambitious goals while also protecting the joy of learning, staff wellbeing, student identity, and human connection.
At Dayton, high expectations are not about demanding perfection from people. They are about believing deeply in growth, maintaining strong standards, and creating the conditions where both students and staff can thrive. In line with this, perhaps the tension for schools is not whether we should hold high expectations, but how do we pursue excellence without people feeling that their worth depends on constant performance.
A focus on growth, effort, strategy and learning
Carol Dweck (2006), in her work on mindset, distinguishes between expectations focused on performance and proving ability and a focus on growth, effort, strategy and learning. At Dayton, one of our values is perseverance, and we often hear students (and staff) sharing that ‘we can do hard things’ or ‘mistakes are part of learning’. We acknowledge that we are all, students and staff, ‘growing our brains’ in a growth-oriented culture where our focus on high expectations communicates ‘We believe you can grow’ and that ‘Growth can be hard,’ rather than ‘We expect perfection’.
Even for our teachers – who participate regularly in instructional coaching and reflection on their practice – our reflective conversations are based on what they are doing well, how far they have come since the beginning, and where they are feeling confident and strong, rather than on where things went awry or didn’t meet the mark.
Along with talking about high expectations often at Dayton, I often mention Brené Brown’s (2018) words ‘clear is kind’ in relation to making our expectations clear to our team and to our students. Yet after considering Crowe’s comments, even the most clearly articulated expectations, if not helpfully framed, could lead to pressure rather than empowerment. In an earlier work, Brown (2010) described the gift of imperfection, and how perfectionism can be mistaken for healthy striving.
In schools, poorly framed high expectations could unintentionally drift into fear of failure, people pleasing, burnout or shame-based motivation. Brown distinguishes perfectionism (I need to prove my worth) from healthy striving (I want to grow). In this, Brown supports Crowe’s idea that people flourish when they feel valued beyond their output, performance or achievements.
Thriving through meaning, trust and contribution
We studied Seth Godin’s (2023) The Song of Significance for a book club a few years ago, and the imagery of the hive has stayed with us at Dayton. Godin’s idea that people thrive when they experience meaning, trust and contribution rather than simply pressure, compliance, or performance management has been core to our work. Godin suggests that people do their best work not when they are managed through fear or constant evaluation, but when they feel trusted, connected, valued, and part of something meaningful (the hive).
People want to matter and when we feel significant and part of something important, we are more likely to engage, persist, and contribute, not simply because expectations are imposed upon us, but because we feel connected to purpose and possibility. Godin’s work helps us to consider whether our high expectations are merely asking others to achieve more or are they inviting our team and our students to become more? At Dayton, our high expectations don’t just frame high achievement, they foster meaningful contribution in a culture where everyone feels seen, trusted, and significant, and growth is shared and celebrated.
Asking for help along the way
A book that sits with pride of place on my office bookshelf is Charlie Mackesy’s (2019) The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, a beautifully illustrated text that offers much wisdom from these 4 characters. In it, the horse shares that the bravest thing he has ever said is ‘help.’ ‘Asking for help isn’t giving up,’ said the horse, ‘It’s refusing to give up.’ This highlights a mindset that can prevent high expectations from becoming an overwhelming pressure. If we all, as leaders or teachers, can acknowledge that while we have the highest of expectations, it is more than okay to ask for help along the way in achieving them. Excellence isn’t a journey we take alone. It’s a journey we are on together and being brave is asking for help.
Later in the book, the boy laments, ‘we have such a long way to go.’ However, the horse creates a delightful perspective shift in sharing, ‘Yes, but look how far we’ve come…’ Mackesy’s work reminds us that vulnerability and humanness are indeed the norm. His insights help us to remember that we can hold high expectations but that being loved, valued, and worthy is not conditional on our performance. For schools, this does not mean abandoning excellence or ambition but acknowledging that ‘we believe in your potential but your worth already exists.’ Furthermore, it highlights that growth matters but so does joy, kindness, courage and connection.
‘What’s your best discovery?’ asked the mole. ‘That I’m enough as I am,’ said the boy. This simple statement connects back to Crowe’s challenge in relation to the ‘dreaded “E” word.’ Rather than our sense of worth being tied to how we achieve against the expectations others hold for us, this discovery outlines that the boy has not stopped learning, growing or striving, but that he realises that his value does not depend on that. From this discovery, effort becomes growth rather than a measure of self-worth.
Thinking about your own context
After all these musings sparked by a fear that our high expectations were leading to pressure, I considered some BIG questions.
What are we ultimately trying to develop? Are our expectations only academic? Are we also cultivating humanity? For us at Dayton, where relationships, culture, and collective care clearly matter alongside building a school of excellence, it is vital that we ensure that high expectations never outshine compassion, as the strongest schools are not just places where people can achieve but where they also feel safe, seen, valued and supported to grow.
In my first column for Teacher (Lehr, 2026), I wrote about culture, and I believe that healthy cultures are those where our team members are encouraged to strive without feeling that they are not already enough and must constantly prove their worth. I think the frown that had settled in as I listened to Crowe’s book softened a lot when I realised that expectations can still be a positive, empowering thing when done right.
I encourage you to reflect on the ‘dreaded “E” word’ and how you are holding and framing expectations in your context. Consider what might change in our schools if every student, educator, and leader knew that they were already enough and that their growth and achievement were built on that foundation, rather than used to prove it?
References
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House.
Crowe, B. (2022). Where the light gets in: Simple, playful and profound perspective shifts to change your life. HarperCollins.
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Godin, S. (2023). The song of significance: A new manifesto for teams. Penguin.
Lehr, R. (2026, April 13). School culture is built in the little moments by us all. Teacher magazine. https://www.teachermagazine.com/au_en/articles/school-culture-is-built-in-the-little-moments-by-us-all
Mackesy, C. (2019). The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse. Ebury Press.
